Stolen Throne

In the days of primitive tribes and grass huts, there was one tribe which was very warlike. They won many battles, and took control of many other tribes.

One of their customs when they beat another tribe was to take the most prized possession of the enemy's chief.

One time, after a particularly fierce battle they defeated a rich tribe, whose king had a prized solid gold throne.

Our warlike tribe took the throne, and put it in the loft in their chief' house. Unfortunately, the throne was much too heavy to be kept in a loft in a grass house, and it fell right through the ceiling, onto the chief, killing him instantly.

The Moral of this story is...... People who live in Grass Houses shouldn't stow thrones!

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The Law in China

Back in one of the old Chinese dynasties the towns had gongs that would be rung each two hours: At 8am once, 10am twice, noon thrice, 2pm four times, etc.

The lawyers of the day would stretch out the trials as much they could to make more money.

But the judges became extremely bored with the status quo and went to the emperor, getting a proclamation that all trials would have to be concluded at 2pm.

Thereafter all trials ended with a four-gong conclusion.

Submitted by: Stan Kegel

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The Bridge-Keeper

A man was walking along a road one day, when he came to a bridge across a river. Sitting on a large chair right in the middle of the path was a man, dressed in a suit of armour, and holding an enormous sword.

"None Shall Pass!" shouted the knight, in an intimidating voice.

"Why not?" asked the traveller.

"You must tell me why you want to cross the bridge."

"I want to get to the other side."

"Not good enough!" yelled the knight, brandishing his weaponry threateningly.

"Errr, I want to get to the next town," said the man.

"Sorry, but you must give me a good reason, or I can't let you cross."

"Okay. The reason I'm travelling is because I'm visiting my brother, who's sick."

"Hmmm...," said the knight. He pondered on this for a moment, before saying: "okay. That's good enough. I'll let you pass." The knight stood up, and let the man pass.

When the man arrived at his brother's house, he told the story of the knight at the bridge. "I can't understand why he made such a fuss about it," he said.

"It's obvious," said his brother, ......... "It only stands to reason."

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Noah Builds Another Ark

One day God calls down to Noah and says "Noah, I want you to make me a new Ark".

Noah replies, "No probs God, anything you want after all you're the boss".

But God interrupts, "Ah but there's a catch this time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, ..... I want 20 decks one on top of the other".

"20 DECKS!", screams Noah, "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say, should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"

"Yep, that's right, well ..... sort of right.......this time I want you to fill it up with fish" God answers.

"Fish?" Queries Noah.

"Yep, fish ... well, to make it more specific Noah, I want Carp, wall to wall, floor to ceiling - Carp!"

Noah looks to the skies, "OK God, let me get this right, you want a New Ark?"

"Check".

"With 20 decks, one on top of the other?".

"Check".

"And you want it full of Carp?".

"Check"

"But why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether.

"Well...." says God, "I just thought it would be nice to have a Multi-Storey Carp Ark"

Submitted by: Sarah Williams

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Beethoven's Grave

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.

He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realises that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.

Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's just decomposing."

Submitted by: Steve Speirs

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