Shocking Truth About The Family Tree

The Smith's were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. Their line had included Senators, Pastors, and Wall Street wizards.

Now they decided to compile a family history, a legacy for the children. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose: how to handle that great-uncle who was executed in the electric chair. But the author said not to worry, he could handle that section of history tactfully.

When the book appeared, the family turned to the section on Uncle George. There, they read "George Smith occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties. His death came as a real shock."

Submitted by: Stan Kegel

Permalink:

Not rated yet
The Two Competing Salesmen

Two salesmen have been called to a meeting at a company which is looking to buy one of their products. The decision of which product to buy will be based on these presentations, so for both salesmen it's a vitally important day.

In the board room, the company directors have all been gathered, and the first salesman is called into the room.

His presentation uses a flip-chart, with his diagrams all pre-printed on the pages of the chart.

The pages are all organised in the right order, and the presentation goes completetly smoothly. The board are impressed, but they still need to see the other presentation...

So the second salesman is called into the board room to face the directors.

He has decided to use an overhead projector for his presentation, with acetate slides, but it's otherwise much the same as the first one. His slides are organised in a folder carefully in the right order, with bookmarks for important slides so he can go back to them if there's any questions.

The presentation starts off well, as he works his way through the slides, but right in the middle, just as he's reaching the most important section, his ultimate nightmare strikes - he drops the folder, and his carefully organised acetates scatter all over the floor.

In a panic, he gathers them together. But it's too late - his presentation is in chaos. Even without the embarrasment, the sheets are now all in the wrong order, some have gotten dirty from the floor, and there's one particular one that he just can't seem to find anywhere.

He finishes his speech, but he knows even before he's finished that he's lost the deal, and so it proves to be. The final announcement is made in favour of the first salesman's product, and so the second salesman has lost the business.

And the moral of the story?

"He who acetates is lost."

Submitted by: Simon Champion

Permalink:

Not rated yet
Hungry Lion

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.

The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.

Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

Permalink:

Not rated yet
The King's Pizza

One day (just before Christmas, probably), Good King Wenceslas decided that he was fed up with the food at the palace, so he phoned up his local Italian restaurant for a takeaway pizza.
"Certainly, your Majesty" says the Manager, "Would you like your usual"?

"Yes please," replied the King, "same as always - deep pan, crisp and even"

Submitted by: Andy Lamacraft

Permalink:

Not rated yet
The Greek Parrot

Have you ever thought about the range of words which have a Grecian root? There are lots of such words in mathematics, like "geometry".

Some of these words have an interesting derivation. A contemporary of Pythagoras was watching a parrot playing with some twigs, once upon a time. Although birds often play with twigs and leaves and branches, this parrot, to the mathematician's amazement, actually arranged the pieces of wood into some sort of a pattern. Then, unfortunately, the bird keeled over, dead.

The mathematician was so moved that he named the shape, "Dead parrot" although -- of course -- he said it in Greek.

Which is why we call that shape a polygon.

Permalink:

Not rated yet