Birthday cake

So it was my birthday. I had a big party, and my friend made me a birthday cake. He brought it out, and it was a savory cake. It had a doughy base, with cheese and all sorts of other toppings sprinkled on top.

I said "That must have taken a lot of effort to make."

And he said "No, it was a pizza cake."


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Quasimodo's Brother

It's a badly known fact that Quasimodo (you know - the Hunchback of Notredame) has an identical twin bother. The twin had left the city many years ago, to live in the countryside, where he made a good living as a bell-ringer for a small rural church.

One day, Quasimiodo decides that he wants to go on a holiday - he hasn't left the city in years - so he gives his brother a ring and asks if he'd like to come over to look after the bells at Notredame for a week.The brother decides that this is a great idea. Nice change of scenery, and all that, so he packs a couple of bags, and heads off to Paris.

When he arrives, the first thing to get to him is the size of everything. He's used to the little church bells, and the size of Notredame cathedral and it's bells are a little awe-inspiring.

Quasimodo leads him up to the belfry. "The bell-cords rotted through years ago," he says, " so I have to ring the bells from up here."

"How do you do that?" asks his brother (not really sure he wants to know the answer).

"Well," says Quasi, "I run at the bells, and hit them with my head like this...". So he bashes the nearest bell with his forehead, and it makes a beatiful (and loud) ring.

After a few demonstrations, the brother decides to have a go. He runs up towards a bell, smacks his head against it, and it makes a lovely ring, but unfortunately, it also gives him concussion, and he staggers around the belfry for a moment before falling out, down, down, down to the pavement below.

Quasimodo is understandably upset, and as he peers over the edge, he can see a crowd of people gathering around the scene.

"Who is it?" says one.

"I'm not sure, but the face rings a bell," says another.

"Yes - he's a dead ringer for Quasimodo," says a third.

"No. I think it's his brother," says the second person, "I had a hunch he was back."

Submitted by: Eric Iverson


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The Doomed Starship

There was once a huge starship, called the SS Titanic. It was a mighty cruise ship, set to sail the inky blackness of space.

The first voyage of the immense vessel came. Thousands of people on board - mostly the rich and famous, and of course, a large crew to cater for their every need.

As the ship set off, no-one realised that her fate was just around the corner.

She flew around the galaxy, visiting several resort planets, before heading towards her last solar system. As she arrived, everyone found themselves looking in horror as the star exploded in front of their eyes - a supernova.

Of course, everyone was killed, and although search parties spent several years looking, nothing was ever found of the great ship, except for a single twisted, half-molten chunk of metal that had come from the toolkit of one of the ship's engineers.

The chunk of metal was put on display in a museum dedicated to the memory of the ship.

It became known as the Star-Mangled Spanner.


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Spooky Photograph

An enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom that lived in the spooky old mansion house at the edge of town.

When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, moaning and wailing and clanking chains.

"I mean no harm; I just want your photograph," the journalist said bravely.

Pleased at this chance to make headlines, the ghost posed for a number of shots, and the happy journalist rushed back to his darkroom and began developing the photos.

Unfortunately, they turned out to be so underexposed that nothing could be seen in them.

He was distraught, and went to a local pub to drown his sorrows. Meeting his friends there, they asked what was wrong. Not wanting to tell the whole story, he simply explained with a single sentence: ......

"The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak."

Submitted by: Bill Geraghty


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Fern Research

A botanist was trying to research some details about a particular kind of fern, so he sent a request to all his colleagues, asking them to send him any information they had about it.

Unfortunately, he didn't word his request very well, and all the botanists he'd contacted thought he was looking for details about any ferns, rather than just the one species. So within just a few hours of sending it out, his fax machine was buzzing with piles of useless documents about all kinds of ferns - there were tree ferns and wood ferns, ostrich ferns and cinnamon ferns... but very few about the particular type he wanted.

So he sent another message to everyone:

If it ain't bracken, don't fax it.


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