Russian Canyon

In the early 1900s, the president of America went to visit Russia. Of course, Russia was still ruled by the Czar back then, and the American President was warmly welcomed by the whole Russian royal household.

As the two leaders and their entourages were dining one day, in one of the huge dining rooms in the palace, the Americans were telling the Russians about some of the great things in their country. One of the topics of conversation was the Grand Canyon in Colorado. Of course, the American were quite boastful about this being the largest canyon in the world, when suddenly, from the head of the table, the Czar stood up,and made an announcement.

"In Russia," he said, "we have a canyon even bigger than your Grand Canyon!"

Now no-one was going to stand up and contradict the Czar, but of course no-one believed him either.

Finally, the American president stood up, and said "Okay. Let's see this canyon then."

So an expedition was organised. Of course, their destination was way out in the remote wilderness, and they only had horses to travel with, so the going was slow. But eventually, after several weeks gruelling journey, they finally arrived at where the canyon was supposed to be.

But there wasn't one. Not even a little one.

And then it dawned on everyone - he had been using Czar chasm to make them look stupid.

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Game Show Cheat

The television game show was being recorded. The contestant was in the hot seat for the last big question.

The host turned to him, and read the question slowly and carefully. But the contestant didn't know the answer!

Fortunately, he had a backup plan (there was no way he was missing out on this million bucks!). He let out a piercing whistle, and from the back of the stage, four mounted knights-in-armour appeared, waving their lances threateningly at the show's host.

The host looked scared for a moment, and then a steely look came over him. He leapt into the air, and karate kicked the first knight onto the floor. He picked up the lance from the stricken knight, and fought off the second, who also fell sprawling on the floor. The second knight's horse shied, and bolted, colliding with the third knight in the process.

The game show host was just beginning to enjoy himself now. He waved the spear he was still carrying at the fourth knight, looked back at the contestant, and said "Is that your final lancer?"

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Birthday cake

So it was my birthday. I had a big party, and my friend made me a birthday cake. He brought it out, and it was a savory cake. It had a doughy base, with cheese and all sorts of other toppings sprinkled on top.

I said "That must have taken a lot of effort to make."

And he said "No, it was a pizza cake."

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Quasimodo's Brother

It's a badly known fact that Quasimodo (you know - the Hunchback of Notredame) has an identical twin bother. The twin had left the city many years ago, to live in the countryside, where he made a good living as a bell-ringer for a small rural church.

One day, Quasimiodo decides that he wants to go on a holiday - he hasn't left the city in years - so he gives his brother a ring and asks if he'd like to come over to look after the bells at Notredame for a week.The brother decides that this is a great idea. Nice change of scenery, and all that, so he packs a couple of bags, and heads off to Paris.

When he arrives, the first thing to get to him is the size of everything. He's used to the little church bells, and the size of Notredame cathedral and it's bells are a little awe-inspiring.

Quasimodo leads him up to the belfry. "The bell-cords rotted through years ago," he says, " so I have to ring the bells from up here."

"How do you do that?" asks his brother (not really sure he wants to know the answer).

"Well," says Quasi, "I run at the bells, and hit them with my head like this...". So he bashes the nearest bell with his forehead, and it makes a beatiful (and loud) ring.

After a few demonstrations, the brother decides to have a go. He runs up towards a bell, smacks his head against it, and it makes a lovely ring, but unfortunately, it also gives him concussion, and he staggers around the belfry for a moment before falling out, down, down, down to the pavement below.

Quasimodo is understandably upset, and as he peers over the edge, he can see a crowd of people gathering around the scene.

"Who is it?" says one.

"I'm not sure, but the face rings a bell," says another.

"Yes - he's a dead ringer for Quasimodo," says a third.

"No. I think it's his brother," says the second person, "I had a hunch he was back."

Submitted by: Eric Iverson

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The Doomed Starship

There was once a huge starship, called the SS Titanic. It was a mighty cruise ship, set to sail the inky blackness of space.

The first voyage of the immense vessel came. Thousands of people on board - mostly the rich and famous, and of course, a large crew to cater for their every need.

As the ship set off, no-one realised that her fate was just around the corner.

She flew around the galaxy, visiting several resort planets, before heading towards her last solar system. As she arrived, everyone found themselves looking in horror as the star exploded in front of their eyes - a supernova.

Of course, everyone was killed, and although search parties spent several years looking, nothing was ever found of the great ship, except for a single twisted, half-molten chunk of metal that had come from the toolkit of one of the ship's engineers.

The chunk of metal was put on display in a museum dedicated to the memory of the ship.

It became known as the Star-Mangled Spanner.

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