Australian Tea

There was a man in England who was considered by all to be the world's foremost authority on tea. One day he was chatting with a friend of his that had just returned from a trip to Australia. This friend told him that he had heard of a tea brewed in a small town in the Outback named Mercy. The connoisseur scoffed at him, stating that no tea came out of the Outback, because there was no way to grow it.

"Oh, it doesn't come from leaves," remarked his friend, "they brew it from Koala fur."

This so intrigued the expert that he booked a flight to Australia the next day. After his arrival, he hired a guide to take him deep into the Outback to the town of Mercy. Once in town, he found the only pub, and ordered a cup of the mysterious beverage.

The cup was placed before him. He spent many moments noting the colour, the aroma, and the viscosity. He took a small sip. It was good! He then followed with a big mouthful, and was suddenly gagging and spitting, clutching at his mouth.

"What is this?" he exclaimed, holding up a handful of what appeared to be short, coarse threads.

"Oh, that's Koala fur," replied the bartender.

"You mean to tell me that you don't strain out the fur?" asked the expert, incredulous.

"Of course not," replied the bartender, "The Koala tea of Mercy is never strained!"

Submitted by: Chris Coleman

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Split Personality

I once had a friend who was a renowned clinical psycologist. He used to tell me about all the patients he had seen. One of the most interesting cases he told me about involved a schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder.At times this person believed himself to be a temptress in a Bizet opera. At other times he was convinced that he was the head of the German Luftwaffe in WW II.

The consensus of the practitioners was that the poor fellow didn't know if he was Carmen or Goerring...

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Lost Wheel

Kenny Rogers and his entourage are aboard their tourbus on their way to a concert in Denver, when they get a flat tire. The mechanic jumps off the bus to fix the flat, but because they're already behind schedule and in a hurry, he neglects to double check that the lug nuts are properly tightened down.

Shortly thereafter, as the bus goes around a curve on a twisty mountain highway, the entire wheel comes off. The bus veers off the road, and plunges down the side of the mountain.

Everybody on board is killed, except for a young "roadie" who happened to be lying in his bunk, and was somewhat shielded from the crash by his mattress.

The kid is lying in his hospital bed being interviewed by the press, and one reporter asks him if Kenny Rogers had said any last words?

"Yes," said the young man, "he did." As the bus went over the edge I could hear Mr. Rogers singing......

"You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel!!!"

Submitted by: Alan C.

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Food at the Races

The jockey was riding the favourite at a race meeting, and was well ahead of the field.

His horse rounded the final corner, when suddenly the jockey was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages.

He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence.

With great skill he managed to steer the horse to the front of the field once more when, on the run in, he was struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a Christmas pudding. Thus distracted, he succeeded in coming only second.

He immediately went to the race stewards to complain that he had been seriously hampered.

Submitted by: Cheryl Harding

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Tractor Enthusiast

Out in the open farming country, there lived a farmer with a hobby. He collected tractors. He had big ones and small ones, red ones and green ones, and everything in between. And of course, all this machinery took a lot of space, so he had a number of specially constructed buildings.

But slowly, over the years, he got bored of his collection, until one day he decided to get rid of the whole lot, and he set fire to them.

A neighbouring farmer visited him, and found him standing at the entrance to one of the barns, sucking the smoke out of the building to keep the fire burning.

"What's going on?" asked the visitor.

"Well," he said, "I used to love these machines, but now I've become an ex-tractor fan."

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