The Head

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth.

The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patronslooking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooop! - A torso pops out!

The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink!" But the bartender still shakes his head in dismay.

Swoooop! - Two arms pop out.

The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink!" The bartender ignores the whole affair.By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.

Swoooop! - Two legs pop out.

The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.... then to the right.... right through the front door, into the street,where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.

The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief.

The bartender sighs and says "That boy should have quit while he was a head."

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Fork Thief

One day in the jungle a chimpanzee invented some tools to eat his dinner. One tool was a flat stick sharpened along one edge, this he used to cut his food. The other was a stick with four smaller sticks attached to the end each sharpened to a point He used to spear his food and place it in his mouth.

The chimp was very proud of his inventions which he called his one point tool and his four point tool.

One day he awoke to find that the four point tool was missing. The chimp was distraught. He ran around the jungle trying to find his precious tool.

First he came upon the lion.

"Lion, Lion!" he cried, "Have you seen my four point tool?"

"No. Replied the lion, I have not seen your four point tool."

Then the chimp came upon the gorilla.

"Gorilla, Gorilla! he cried, Have you seen my four point tool?"

"No, Replied the gorilla, I have not seen your four point tool."

Then the chimp came upon the jaguar.

"Jaguar, Jaguar! he cried, Have you seen my four point tool?"

"Yup!" replied the jaguar, "I have seen your four point tool."

"Well where is it?" inquired the chimp.

"I ate it." Said the jaguar, smugly.

"Why would you do that?" Cried the chimp.

"Because," replied the big cat, "I am a four point tool eater Jaguar!"

Submitted by: Patrick Wallace

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Smart Horse

There was once a very smart horse. Anything that was shown it, it mastered easily, until one day, its teachers tried to teach it about rectangular coordinates and it couldn't understand them. All the horse's acquaintences and friends tried to figure out what was the matter and couldn't. Then a new guy (what the heck, a computer engineer) looked at the problem and said,

"Of course he can't do it. Why, you're putting Descartes before the horse!"

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Slave Games

Back in Roman days, as you may know, slavery was part of life. People went to slave markets to buy and sell slaves from all over the known world.

One particular slave market holder became well known for his special promotional contests - people would come from all over the Empire to win one of his slaves.

His most popular contest was a game where you had to try to throw a coin into a Roman urn. If you've seen pictures, you'll know that these urns have very narrow necks, so the game was quite challenging, but if you succeeded, you would win a slave from the market, so the prizes were good.

One day, a fairly poor woman returned from the market with a slave. Her husband immediately berated her for spending so much money to buy a slave, but she told him that she had won the contest, so it had only cost a single penny.

"After all," she said "You've always told me that a penny urned is a penny slaved."

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Roman Rollers

Back in the days of the Roman Empire, the famous Emperor Nero instituted a new game. The players would take those little disks you set your glass on in order to protect the furniture, and see who could get the most distance rolling them across the floor.

They were the first roller coasters.

Back in those days, the disks were made of iron, and they would bet on whose disk would roll the farthest.

They called them ferrous wheels.

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