- Playing Cricket in Church
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It's Harvest Sunday at a small village church in rural England, and the vicar is organising his annual harvest service, where people bring their home-grown plants and vegetables to the service.
But this year is different. The local village cricket team has just won their league, and the village is in celebratory mood, so the vicar decides to do something special - he will combine the normal harvest service with a cricket theme.
The day of the service arrives, and the church is filled with flowers. People are bringing in their offerings of vegetables, and in the middle of the display is a cricket wicket; a strip of turf with a set of wooden stumps at each end, and people are laying their offerings on the wicket.
Everything is going fine, until one lady comes up to the front of the church, and places a bag of frozen peas among the other vegetables, but she is stopped by the vicar, so she returns to her seat, still clutching her peas.
"What happened?" asked the lady she's sitting next to.
She shrugs her shoulders, and says:
"There's no peas for the wicket."
Permalink: wicket
- Category: Shaggy dog stories
- Al Gore's drums
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Before Al Gore was American Vice President - in fact, even before he became involved in politics - he spent some time as a drummer for a small band playing in local clubs.
He was in fact quite a good drummer, and he developed quite a reputation for his impressive drum solos. Some of his routines were incredible for their mathematical precision.They became known as the Al-Gore-rythms.
Permalink: al_gore
- Category: Shaggy dog stories
- Hopkins the Weatherman
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Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news programme. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year.
That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired.
He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. But in the interview for the post, they asked him the one question he was dreading: "What was the reason for you leaving your last job?"
Hopkins replied, "The climate didn't agree with me."
Permalink: clagree
- Category: Shaggy dog stories
- Full Moon Grapes
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Once upon a time in old France there was a small vineyard run by a coven of witches.
The grapes that grew there were used exclusively for the production of raisins, and were always harvested under a full moon to preserve the magic properties some of them had.
The witches believed that one full moon in seven was a bad one, and while the raisins made from grapes harvested under a good moon were ordinary (albeit of high quality) and mostly went to general consumption (witches have to make a living too, you know), grapes harvested under a bad moon would rot - with one exception: The biggest and strongest of the grapes would survive to become the legendary.... "Bad Moon Raisin".
Permalink: badmoon
- Category: Shaggy dog stories
- Holmes' front door
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Dr. Watson arrives at 221-B Baker Street and is stunned to find his friend Sherlock Holmes out front in an overall, applying a pale yellow gloss to the front door.
"Holmes what is it?" cried the stupefied Watson.
A lemon entry, my dear Watson.
- Submitted by: Pete Meade
Permalink: lemon_door
- Category: Shaggy dog stories
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