The Angry King

Once, long ago, a king summoned all his provincial rulers to his castle. He was in a rather belligerent mood, and wanted to scare them into giving him extra taxes.

Unknown to him, they met in secret on the way, and decided that they should agree to pay the extra, but they would at first pretend to refuse, so they could try to bargain down the actual amount extra they would have to pay.

They arrived at the king's castle, and gathered in the audience chamber. The king made his demands, and as agreed, they started to refuse.

Unfortunately, they hadn't realised just how belligerent the king's mood was: as soon as they started to refuse, he got angry, and ordered his guards to kill them on the spot.

More than half of them were slain before they even realised what was happening, and the others had to do some very quick grovelling to survive.

After everything had settled down, those who remained explained to the king their plan, and the king was filled with remorse for his hasty actions.

The moral of the story?

Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.

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Old Fur

Animal activist Bo Derek was horrified to learn that the Queen of England wears antique sable coats.

She decided to confront the Queen over the issue, and arranged to get herself invited to an event which the Queen was also due to attend.

So a couple of months later, there they were at a very high class tea party. Rich people everywhere. Bo started looking around for the Queen. Sure enough, there she was. It was time for the confrontation!

She marched up to the Queen, and demanded an answer.

Elizabeth responded haughtily: "Some wear old fur to reign, Bo."

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Dead Rabbit

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. Another car arrives on the scene, and the driver sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The newcomer says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet,turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says....

"Hair restorer.......adds permanent wave."

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Sherlock Holmes and the Mysterious Painting

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were doing their usual investigative business one day, when the uncovered an amazing painting.

At first glance, it looked like a picture of normal oak tree, in the middle of a wilderness, but if you looked closer, you could see that it was a very surreal painting: The tree's trunk was actually made of fire, and it's branches were made of ice, clouds and earth.

"What is it?" asked Watson in awe.

"It's an element tree, my dear Watson," said Holmes.

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Pinewood worshipers

Many hundreds of years ago, there was a tribe of people who worshipped pine trees.

Everything they did was based around pine trees and pine wood. They built their homes from pine logs; they ate off pinewood plates... Everything.

But the part of the tree that they were most fixated with was the green pine branches. These were used as ceremonial fans, similar to the way the Egyptians used palm leaves (although not as effective...).

Then, one day, they had their first contact with a missionary monk. Being hospitable people, they invited the monk into their village, and after a while when he had been there some time, he started explaining to them why his religion was better.

It didn't take long for him to convert the entire village, and they so started to get rid of the trappings of their old wooden faith. The first things to go were the ceremonial fans.

So you could say, it was "Out with the pine fan, in with the friar."

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