Insect Assault

One night, as he finished his last beer, Joe's doorbell rang. He answered the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, then left.

The next night, the doorbell rang, and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left.

The same same happened the next night. This time, he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left.

The following day, Joe went to see his doctor. He explained the events of the preceding four nights. "What can I do?" he pleaded.

"Not much" the doctor replied. "There's just a nasty bug going around."

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Chess Fans

A chess competition was being held in a hotel and various contestants were in the open-air lobby discussing their victories of the day. After about an hour of this, manager of the hotel came into the lobby and asked them all to leave.

"But why?" they cried.

"Because," the manager explained, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

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The Toughest Road Surface Of Them All

A piece of road walks into a bar and declares to all its occupants: "I'm the hardest bit of bitumen in the whole of this town!"

The piano player stops and the bar goes deadly silent. After a brief pause, all eyes drop, the pianist returns to playing and the piece of road pulls up a bar stool and settles down to a beer.

Five minutes later, a piece of dual carriageway throws open the bar door. Once again, the bar goes silent but for the creaking of the slow-moving overhead fans.

The dual carriageway declares: "I'm the toughest piece of bitumen you'll ever see this side of the border!"

The piece of road slowly turns and locks eyes with the piece of dual carriageway. The tension mounts, other drinkers scatter and take cover.

At that precise moment, in walks a piece of freeway which says: "I'm the hardest bit of bitumen in the whole country and I'll take you both on!"

And there they stood in a three-way Mexican stand-off for what seemed like an eternity.

Once again, the door opens and, into the middle of the stand-off, walks a strange-looking piece of coloured bitumen with a blue stripe. The other three turn their backs to the door, sit down at the bar and stare sheepishly into their drinks.

The bartender sidles up to the three of them and asks what the problem is. "Shhhh!", says the dual carriageway, "Watch what you say, that guy's a bit of a cycle path."

Submitted by: Anna

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A Dog Named Mace

There was once a handyman who had a dog named Mace. Mace was a great dog except he had one weird habit: he liked to eat grass - not just a little bit, but in quantities that would make a lawnmower blush. And nothing, it seemed, could cure him of it.

One day, the handyman lost his wrench in the tall grass while he was working outside. He looked and looked, but it was nowhere to be found. As it was getting dark, he gave up for the night and decided to look the next morning.

When he awoke, he went outside, and saw that his dog had eaten the grass all in the area, around where he had been working, and his wrench now lay in plain sight, glinting in the sun.

Going out to get his wrench, he called the dog over to him and said, "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me."

Submitted by: Jim Butler

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Magazine Correspondent

Shortly after the Korean War, the son of then South Korean President Syngman Rhee was hired as a Life Magazine correspondent. The younger Rhee was a remarkably kind, gentle and considerate man, but he had one problem: He loved to drink and sometimes was gone on a bender for days. On one occasion, Rhee was missing for three days before someone at the magazine's office finally suggested they look for him. Other correspondents and even the police were involved in the search. Finally, about two weeks later, a policeman walked into a tavern, looked at the man slumped over the bar and cried, "Ah, Sweet Mr. Rhee of Life, at last I've found you."

Submitted by: Jerry Tee

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