Noah Counting

So Noah is waiting by his ark. Waiting for all the animals that God has promised will squeeze into the boat that he's built.

And then he sees them. Great numbers of beasts all converging on where he's standing. So he lowers the gang-plank, and watches as the animals start filing on board, two-by-two.

And as they go into the ship, Noah can be heard passing comments on each animal that goes by - "Hmmm... two horses," he says, "they don't taste very nice, but they're edible," and "Ooh! Two sheep. I love roast lamb".

And so it goes on, for each pair of animals, Noah counts going on board, he says something about what they're like to eat. Eventually Noah's son can stand it no longer, and he goes to his mother to ask why.

She answers: "Well, there's Noah counting for taste."

To which the son replies: "Now I've herd everything."

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Golfing Revolution

The golfing world is celebrating a new invention that promises to revolutionise the sport.

The new device that is receiving so much attention is called the "bee nut". It is a fastening attachment that allows a player to adjust the head on their club to any angle, thus saving the need to carry a bagful of clubs. Thus, for example, a player can use the same club to putt with as they used to get out of the sand trap.

Golf clubs with this modification are selling quickly, and players everywhere are taking golfing picnics, so they can try their new "bee-nut putter sand-wedge".

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Doctor's tipple

For years and years, a doctor had been having a drink after work at the same bar. Every time he walked in the door, the barman would mix his favourite drink, a hazelnut daiquiri.One day, the bartender didn't have any hazelnuts in the bar. Wondering what to do, he spied some hickory nuts and tried to make the drink from them instead.The doctor came in at his regular time, took a sip of the drink and exclaimed "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"

"No," said the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

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The Two Bakers

There were once two bakers shops in a small village. They were in fierce competition, with half the village going to one, and the other half shopping at the other.

One day, one of the bakers bought himself a new device that he found for sale in the city - it was a bread slicing machine, which could slice four loaves at once, using four large blades.

Suddenly, he found himself getting all the business in the town. No-one went to the other baker's shop any more, and it was forced out of business.

After he had closed the shop for the final time, the second baker went to visit the first, to ask for a job.

"How did you do it?" he asked, "How did you get so much business from me? You just got so much good luck all of a sudden."

"I'm not sure," said the first baker, "but I think it's got something to do with this four-loaf-cleaver I found..."

Submitted by: Simon Champion

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The Floating Dentists

A group of dentists decided to set up a new surgery. Since competition in their area was quite fierce, they wanted their new business to have something unique about it.

After much thought, they decided to set up shop on board a boat, moored on the banks of the river. As an added bonus, they also offered river crossings in the boat, with the dentistry work being performed during the crossing.

The business quickly became known as the Tooth Ferry.

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