Sherlock Holmes and the Mysterious Painting

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were doing their usual investigative business one day, when the uncovered an amazing painting.

At first glance, it looked like a picture of normal oak tree, in the middle of a wilderness, but if you looked closer, you could see that it was a very surreal painting: The tree's trunk was actually made of fire, and it's branches were made of ice, clouds and earth.

"What is it?" asked Watson in awe.

"It's an element tree, my dear Watson," said Holmes.

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Pinewood worshipers

Many hundreds of years ago, there was a tribe of people who worshipped pine trees.

Everything they did was based around pine trees and pine wood. They built their homes from pine logs; they ate off pinewood plates... Everything.

But the part of the tree that they were most fixated with was the green pine branches. These were used as ceremonial fans, similar to the way the Egyptians used palm leaves (although not as effective...).

Then, one day, they had their first contact with a missionary monk. Being hospitable people, they invited the monk into their village, and after a while when he had been there some time, he started explaining to them why his religion was better.

It didn't take long for him to convert the entire village, and they so started to get rid of the trappings of their old wooden faith. The first things to go were the ceremonial fans.

So you could say, it was "Out with the pine fan, in with the friar."

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Noah Counting

So Noah is waiting by his ark. Waiting for all the animals that God has promised will squeeze into the boat that he's built.

And then he sees them. Great numbers of beasts all converging on where he's standing. So he lowers the gang-plank, and watches as the animals start filing on board, two-by-two.

And as they go into the ship, Noah can be heard passing comments on each animal that goes by - "Hmmm... two horses," he says, "they don't taste very nice, but they're edible," and "Ooh! Two sheep. I love roast lamb".

And so it goes on, for each pair of animals, Noah counts going on board, he says something about what they're like to eat. Eventually Noah's son can stand it no longer, and he goes to his mother to ask why.

She answers: "Well, there's Noah counting for taste."

To which the son replies: "Now I've herd everything."

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Golfing Revolution

The golfing world is celebrating a new invention that promises to revolutionise the sport.

The new device that is receiving so much attention is called the "bee nut". It is a fastening attachment that allows a player to adjust the head on their club to any angle, thus saving the need to carry a bagful of clubs. Thus, for example, a player can use the same club to putt with as they used to get out of the sand trap.

Golf clubs with this modification are selling quickly, and players everywhere are taking golfing picnics, so they can try their new "bee-nut putter sand-wedge".

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Doctor's tipple

For years and years, a doctor had been having a drink after work at the same bar. Every time he walked in the door, the barman would mix his favourite drink, a hazelnut daiquiri.One day, the bartender didn't have any hazelnuts in the bar. Wondering what to do, he spied some hickory nuts and tried to make the drink from them instead.The doctor came in at his regular time, took a sip of the drink and exclaimed "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"

"No," said the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

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