Food Critic

Here is a story about a famous food critic's recent visit to Europe last summer. He had a delightful time sampling the cusine in Italy, France and Germany, but he made the mistake of stopping off in London on the way home.Needless to say, he found English food bland and overcooked. However, one day he had a great meal of fish & chips at a London pub. He asked the manager of the pub if he could have the recipe for the fish and chips.

The manager confessed that he bought his fish and chips from a nearby monestary, and so our critic would have to get the recipe from one of the brothers.

So he quickly ran down the street to the monestary and knocked on the door. When one of the brothers came to the door, he asked him if he were the "Fish Friar."

The brother repiled, "No, I'm the Chip Monk."

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Frog in a bank

A frog goes into a bank, and hops up to the loan officer.

The loan officer says, "My name is John Paddywack. Can I help you?"

The frog says, "Yeah, I'd like to borrow some money."

The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. He says, "Okay, what's your name?"

The frog says, "Kermit Jagger."

The loan officer says, "Really? Any relation to Mick Jagger?"

The frog says, "Yeah, he's my dad."

The loan officer says, "Okay. Ummm...do you have any collateral?"

The frog hands the loan officer a pink ceramic elephant and says, "Will this do?"

The loan officer says, "Hmmm...I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager."

The frog says, "Oh, tell him I said hi. He knows me."

The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, "Excuse me, but there's this frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing, I'm not ever sure what it is."

The manager says, "It's a knick-knack, Paddywack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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Queen Victoria

Queen Victoria was visiting a town in Northern England to open a new hospital.

The town mayor made an announcement that in honour of the occasion, the town would name a road after the Queen.

The first road that was suggested was a residential road, and the suggested name was "Victoria Mews". Sadly, the Queen didn't like the idea of giving her name to that road.

As she said, "We are happy to be a city-center street, but we are not a Mews!"

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The Best River

Two men were having a heated argument about which was the most impressive river in the world. The first man was an Egyptian, and was quite confident that the Nile was absolutely the best river in the world - he cited the stunning scenery and the thousands of years of history around it. The other man was an American, who believed that the Mississippi was better. He talked about the way the river had helped to open up the continent, and the great cities that had developed along its banks.
They argued about it for hours, until finally, another fellow stepped in, and was finally able to stop the argument.
He managed to convince them that both rivers were equally impressive, because, after all as everyone knows - The Miss. is as good as the Nile

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Cheap Motorcycle

You'd never believe it, but I bumped into a famous stuntman in a motorcycle shop the other day.
He was complaining because he couldn't decide whether to buy a bike with a high top speed but poor acceleration, or one with lots of torque and a fast acceleration but a poor top speed.
Eventually he decided on the second one because it cost a lot less.
After all, torque is cheap.

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