What Computers Can't Do

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Permalink:

Not rated yet
Excellent Deduction

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU."
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, Someone has stolen our tent."

Permalink:

Not rated yet
Onions and Bagpipes

Q: What is the difference between an onion and a set of bagpipes?
A: No body cries when you chop up a set of bagpipes.

Permalink:

Not rated yet
Chocolate covered peanuts

Man goes to his doctor with a peanut stuck in his left ear.
"What can I do to get it out?" he asks pathetically.
The doctor takes a look, and says "Pour warm chocolate in the right ear and tilt your head."
"How on Earth will that help?" asks the bewildered patient.
"Easy", replies the Doc, "When the chocolate cools it should come out a treat....."

Permalink:

Not rated yet
Snail Crime

A snail got mugged by two tortoises. When he went to the police, they questioned him as to what happened.
He said, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"

Permalink:

Not rated yet