Zombie's fingers

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.

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Useful Metric Conversions

Useful Metric Conversions...
* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 10 cards = 1 decacards
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
* 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 millipedes = 1 centipede
* 3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
* 2 monograms = 1 diagram
* 2 wharves = 1 paradox

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What Computers Can't Do

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

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Excellent Deduction

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU."
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, Someone has stolen our tent."

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Onions and Bagpipes

Q: What is the difference between an onion and a set of bagpipes?
A: No body cries when you chop up a set of bagpipes.

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