If James Bond had been a cat.....

"The spy who licked me"

"Gold paw"

"Golden CatsEye"

"You only live nine times"

"Litter-tray Raker"

"Licence to mew"

"The neighbourhood is not enough"

"Octopussy" (same name, but the plot changes a bit)

"Lick and let dry"

"Never say meow again"

"Dr. No-I'm-Not-A-Vet-Honest"

"Kittens are forever"

"From Russian Blue with love"

"For cats' eyes only"

"View to a pounce"

"The cat with the golden claw"

"Feline Royale"


"On her majesty's slinking service"

"The sleeping daylights"


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Coffee Without Cream

A guy in a restaurant says to the waitress "I want a cup of coffee without cream." The waitress writes down his order, and goes off to the kitchen.
A few minutes later she comes back looking very apologetic. "I'm sorry," she says, "but we're all out of cream. Would you mind taking your coffee without milk?"


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Bible Stories

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son.

He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city. but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."

His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"


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Cheesy Puns

For some people the only puns they make are about dairy products, because the rest are just too cheesy. When they think of one, they tend to milk it for all it's worth. Usually I don't think they're gouda enough, but we could find a whey to cream off the best ones.

I cheddar to think what they'll come out with next.


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Up in the Night

John: My neighbours were up at three o'clock this morning, shouting and yelling.

Pete: Oh dear. Did they wake you up?

John: Nah. I was already up, practising my bagpipes.


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