Equations and Reality

An engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation to reality. A physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations. A mathematician doesn't care about reality, as long as his equations look good.

Permalink: equations

Category: Other wordplay

Published: 12 September 2018

Aviation 101

• Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory.
• If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. (Unless you keep pulling the stick back -then they get bigger again)
• Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
• The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
• Every one already knows the definition of a "good" landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a "great landing".
  It's one after which you can use the airplane another time.
• A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down - all of them trying to become random in motion.
  Helicopters can't really fly - they're just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.
• Young man, was that a landing or were we shot down?
• Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
• A thunderstorm is never as bad on the inside as it appears on the outside. It's worse.
• It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune.
• Keep looking around; there's always something you've missed.
• Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.
• Gravity never loses! The best you can hope for is a draw!

Permalink: aviation

Category: Other wordplay

Published: 12 September 2018

The Laws Of Computer Programming

1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
2. Any given program costs more and takes longer each time it is run.
3. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
4. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
5. Any given program will expand to fill all the available memory.
6. The value of a program is inversely proportional to the weight of its output.
7. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

Permalink: prog_laws

Category: Other wordplay

Published: 12 September 2018

Elephants

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know. But then we tried to get his tusks off, which was very difficult. Of course in Alabama, the Tuscaloosa... But that's entirely irrelephant to what I was talking about...

Permalink: tuscaloosa

Category: Other wordplay

Published: 12 September 2018