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Cheap Motorcycle

You'd never believe it, but I bumped into a famous stuntman in a motorcycle shop the other day.
He was complaining because he couldn't decide whether to buy a bike with a high top speed but poor acceleration, or one with lots of torque and a fast acceleration but a poor top speed.
Eventually he decided on the second one because it cost a lot less.
After all, torque is cheap.

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Cabinet Maker

There once was a Chinese cabinet maker who kept his precious woods in a shed behind his shop. One day he noticed that some of his wood was missing and on the floor of the shed there were the prints of small bare feet in the sawdust.

The next night the cabinet maker hid in the shed and waited. Toward morning he heard a noise. Lighting his lantern, he saw a strange sight; a bear on stilts holding some wood. The ends of the stilts were carved into the shape of small feet.

The cabinet maker of course shouted, "STOP, boy foot bear with teaks of Chan!"
Submitted by: Brent Meeker

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Coffee Complaint

A man walks into a coffee shop, and is given a huge mug which he takes to his table. But when he tries to drink it, he find that instead of coffee, the mug contains a pair of beige cotton trousers. So he goes to complain.

The counter staff are not very helpful, so after arguing with them for some time, he eventually gets them to call the shop manager. The manager is very indignant - "But it's exactly what you asked for", he says.

"No it isn't!" says the customer, "how can this possibly be what I ordered?"

It's a cup o' chinos", says the manager.

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The Rude Clone

A scientist was successful in cloning himself, and was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper.
"My fellow scientists," he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone jumped up and shouted, "he's a *&^^%*@)&!".

Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My fellow scientists,". Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, "this dumb *%@(&+*! couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a fraudulent *$3%$#*#+=!".

Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window.

The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New York's finest arrived and the events that had transpired were explained to them.

The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest you."

The scientist replied, "For what? You can't arrest me for killing a clone!". The attending scientists nodded in agreement.

"Well!" retorted the police chief. He thought for a moment and ordered the scientist held for "Making an obscene clone fall..."

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Lost Sandwich Box

I was visiting France, and while in Paris I decided to take a guided tour around the beautiful cathedral on the banks of the Seine. As we were being shown around the building, all of a sudden I spotted a sandwich box lying on the floor.

So I picked it up, and handed it to the guide. He was very apologetic, and hurried off with it. After a few minutes, I could hear him calling up the bell tower:

"Quazimodo! You left your sandwich box lying around again!"

When the guide returned, he apologised again, and when we asked him about the sandwiches, he said: "Don't worry about it... it's just the Lunchpack of Notredame."

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