- Dead Rabbit
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A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. Another car arrives on the scene, and the driver sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
The newcomer says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.
The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet,turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says....
"Hair restorer.......adds permanent wave."
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- Category: Shaggy dog stories
- Sherlock Holmes and the Mysterious Painting
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Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were doing their usual investigative business one day, when the uncovered an amazing painting.
At first glance, it looked like a picture of normal oak tree, in the middle of a wilderness, but if you looked closer, you could see that it was a very surreal painting: The tree's trunk was actually made of fire, and it's branches were made of ice, clouds and earth.
"What is it?" asked Watson in awe.
"It's an element tree, my dear Watson," said Holmes.
Permalink: element_tree
- Category: Shaggy dog stories
- Pinewood worshipers
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Many hundreds of years ago, there was a tribe of people who worshipped pine trees.
Everything they did was based around pine trees and pine wood. They built their homes from pine logs; they ate off pinewood plates... Everything.
But the part of the tree that they were most fixated with was the green pine branches. These were used as ceremonial fans, similar to the way the Egyptians used palm leaves (although not as effective...).
Then, one day, they had their first contact with a missionary monk. Being hospitable people, they invited the monk into their village, and after a while when he had been there some time, he started explaining to them why his religion was better.
It didn't take long for him to convert the entire village, and they so started to get rid of the trappings of their old wooden faith. The first things to go were the ceremonial fans.
So you could say, it was "Out with the pine fan, in with the friar."
Permalink: fan_worship
- Category: Shaggy dog stories
- Noah Counting
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So Noah is waiting by his ark. Waiting for all the animals that God has promised will squeeze into the boat that he's built.
And then he sees them. Great numbers of beasts all converging on where he's standing. So he lowers the gang-plank, and watches as the animals start filing on board, two-by-two.
And as they go into the ship, Noah can be heard passing comments on each animal that goes by - "Hmmm... two horses," he says, "they don't taste very nice, but they're edible," and "Ooh! Two sheep. I love roast lamb".
And so it goes on, for each pair of animals, Noah counts going on board, he says something about what they're like to eat. Eventually Noah's son can stand it no longer, and he goes to his mother to ask why.
She answers: "Well, there's Noah counting for taste."
To which the son replies: "Now I've herd everything."
Permalink: noah_counting
- Category: Shaggy dog stories
- Golfing Revolution
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The golfing world is celebrating a new invention that promises to revolutionise the sport.
The new device that is receiving so much attention is called the "bee nut". It is a fastening attachment that allows a player to adjust the head on their club to any angle, thus saving the need to carry a bagful of clubs. Thus, for example, a player can use the same club to putt with as they used to get out of the sand trap.
Golf clubs with this modification are selling quickly, and players everywhere are taking golfing picnics, so they can try their new "bee-nut putter sand-wedge".
Permalink: beenut
- Category: Shaggy dog stories
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