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Prayers for the birds

There was a young boy who lived with his family on a farm in the countryside. One building on the farm was a large ice-house, where produce was stored until market day.

One day, the boy was playing near the ice-house, and happened to notice that a family of wrens (small birds) had got themselves trapped in the building. The boy opened the doors, and tried to coax them out, but oddly, they didn't seem to want to come (they probably figured that it was worth being cold with all this food lying around!).

The boy was very worried about the little birds, because it was so cold in the ice-house, and kept coming back to see that they were okay.

That night, he knelt down at his bedside, and prayed "God bless all the little chilled wrens."

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My Aunt's Cat

My aunt's beloved cat Ginger had grown seriously overweight, so she decided to take him to the vet to find out if there was anything wrong with him - and more to the point, whether anything could be done about it.

So she put him into the kitty-carry box, and drove to the surgery.

The doc prescribed a course of pills, and my aunt left, happy in the knowledge that Ginger would soon be his slim old self again.

But after a few weeks of taking the pills, there was no change: Ginger was as fat as ever. Soon months had gone by, and still there was no difference. In fact, if anything, it was getting worse.

The other problem was the invoices from the vet - these pills were costing a fortune.

It soon became clear to us all that Ginger had become a doc-billed fatty-puss.

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The Stern Captain

A cargo ship is travelling from the US to Europe with a cargo of various consumer goods. The journey is proceeding on schedule, until suddenly, right in the middle of the Atlantic, they encounter a bad squall and some of the containers at the rear of the ship get washed overboard.

Quite aside from the loss of the cargo, this is also a problem because the ship's load is now severely unbalanced and in these rough seas they can't take on enough ballast to compensate.

The captain orders his crew to move all the forward containers of beauty soap aft, which should get them back to level. The crew get to work, and when they're done the bo'sun reports in.

"Did you move it all?" asks the captain.

"Aye, sir, we've left no Tone unsterned."
Submitted by: David Frier

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The Angry King

Once, long ago, a king summoned all his provincial rulers to his castle. He was in a rather belligerent mood, and wanted to scare them into giving him extra taxes.

Unknown to him, they met in secret on the way, and decided that they should agree to pay the extra, but they would at first pretend to refuse, so they could try to bargain down the actual amount extra they would have to pay.

They arrived at the king's castle, and gathered in the audience chamber. The king made his demands, and as agreed, they started to refuse.

Unfortunately, they hadn't realised just how belligerent the king's mood was: as soon as they started to refuse, he got angry, and ordered his guards to kill them on the spot.

More than half of them were slain before they even realised what was happening, and the others had to do some very quick grovelling to survive.

After everything had settled down, those who remained explained to the king their plan, and the king was filled with remorse for his hasty actions.

The moral of the story?

Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.

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Old Fur

Animal activist Bo Derek was horrified to learn that the Queen of England wears antique sable coats.

She decided to confront the Queen over the issue, and arranged to get herself invited to an event which the Queen was also due to attend.

So a couple of months later, there they were at a very high class tea party. Rich people everywhere. Bo started looking around for the Queen. Sure enough, there she was. It was time for the confrontation!

She marched up to the Queen, and demanded an answer.

Elizabeth responded haughtily: "Some wear old fur to reign, Bo."

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