Cats vs Semicolons

Cats have claws at the end of their paws.

Semi-colons have a pause at the end of their clause.



Chalk Pops

I went into a restaurant last week and placed my order.

My server returned a few minutes later carrying two glasses of fizzy drink, with a piece of chalk dropped in each of them.

"No, no, no!" I said, "I ordered pork chops, not chork pops."



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The wild-life expert on TV was also well-known for getting his words in a muddle.

He was famous for bird watching and word botching.


Spooner's Spooners

Some spoonerisms said to have been uttered by Reverend Spooner himself...

  • A half-warmed fish (half-formed wish)
  • Our queer old Dean (dear old Queen)
  • A well-boiled icicle (well-oiled bicycle)
  • The Lord is a shoving leopard. (a loving shepherd)
  • Mardon padam, this pie is occupewed. May I sew you to another sheet? (pew is occupied; show you to another seat)
  • You have hissed my mystery lectures; you have tasted a whole worm.(missed my history lectures; wasted the whole term)

(With that lot under his belt, it's hardly suprising they were named after him!)


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Raining Cats And Dogs

A couple went to a pet shop and ended up buying a lion (as you do). The shop owner had told them that unfortunately the lion had an odd allergy to wet weather and that raindrops would actually hurt it.
One day the lion was outside when the couple heard cries form the garden. "What's that noise?" asked the man. "It's the lion", his wife replied, "it's roaring with pain."

(Submitted by Peter Halpin)


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