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Tales of the Pun-expected


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Stocks Sink     (Search for similar jokes)
A very nervous man became an investments broker. Whenever there was bad news about a company he held shares in, his nervousness would make is feet begin to sweat profusely.
It's apparently a common trait in investment circles, though - bad news makes your socks stink.
(stocks_sink: 13 of 19)


Spooner's Spooners     (Search for similar jokes)
Some spoonerisms said to have been uttered by Reverend Spooner himself...
  • A half-warmed fish (half-formed wish)
  • Our queer old Dean (dear old Queen)
  • A well-boiled icicle (well-oiled bicycle)
  • The Lord is a shoving leopard. (a loving shepherd)
  • Mardon padam, this pie is occupewed. May I sew you to another sheet? (pew is occupied; show you to another seat)
  • You have hissed my mystery lectures; you have tasted a whole worm.(missed my history lectures; wasted the whole term)

(With that lot under his belt, it's hardly suprising they were named after him!)
(spooners: 14 of 19)


Party Hats     (Search for similar jokes)
I have two friends named Pat. They're both very artistic, so I recently asked them to make some amusing headgear for my son's birthday celebrations.
Everyone who was there agreed that they were brilliant arty pats.
(party_hats: 15 of 19)


Stars in the Sky     (Search for similar jokes)
A pig lived in a very run-down pig-house.
He looked up one night at the gaping holes in the roof, and said "Look at all the scars in the sty."
(scars_sty: 16 of 19)


Fair Weather Fans     (Search for similar jokes)
There was a group of football fans who would only go to matches when they could wear a feathered head-dress.
Of course, they needed a sunny day for it, so they became known as wear-feather fans.
(fair_weather: 17 of 19)


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