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The Two Competing Salesmen     (Search for similar jokes)
Two salesmen have been called to a meeting at a company which is looking to buy one of their products. The decision of which product to buy will be based on these presentations, so for both salesmen it's a vitally important day.
In the board room, the company directors have all been gathered, and the first salesman is called into the room.
His presentation uses a flip-chart, with his diagrams all pre-printed on the pages of the chart.
The pages are all organised in the right order, and the presentation goes completetly smoothly. The board are impressed, but they still need to see the other presentation...
So the second salesman is called into the board room to face the directors.
He has decided to use an overhead projector for his presentation, with acetate slides, but it's otherwise much the same as the first one. His slides are organised in a folder carefully in the right order, with bookmarks for important slides so he can go back to them if there's any questions.
The presentation starts off well, as he works his way through the slides, but right in the middle, just as he's reaching the most important section, his ultimate nightmare strikes - he drops the folder, and his carefully organised acetates scatter all over the floor.
In a panic, he gathers them together. But it's too late - his presentation is in chaos. Even without the embarrasment, the sheets are now all in the wrong order, some have gotten dirty from the floor, and there's one particular one that he just can't seem to find anywhere.
He finishes his speech, but he knows even before he's finished that he's lost the deal, and so it proves to be. The final announcement is made in favour of the first salesman's product, and so the second salesman has lost the business.

And the moral of the story?
"He who acetates is lost."

(By Simon Champion)
(acetates: 46 of 131)


Coral Reef Fishes     (Search for similar jokes)
It's well known that some species of fish on the coral reef have adapted to be able to survive the poisonous sea anemone's sting, which gives them a safe place to hide from predators.
What isn't so well known is the story of the single fish that decided to be different. One day he swam away from his pretective anemone, in search of some other hiding place.
A first, he swam into a small crevace in the rock, but he very quickly swam out of there, chased by an eel. Then he decided he could hide inside a shell, so he found a nice big one that he liked, but had to retreat from the crab that had got there before him.
Finally, exhaused, he swam into the coral beds, and hid among the brilliant coloured fern-like fronds of the corals.
The next day, when he hadn't come back to the anemone, some of the other fish decided to go out and look for him. The hunted everywhere for him, but they couldn't find him. Eventually, just as they had given up, they heard him calling to them. They looked around, but they couldn't see him anywhere - he was perfectly hidden by the coral.
Finally, he showed himself, and they tried to persuade him to come back home, but he refused - the coral was too good a hiding place to leave.
"After all," he said, "with fronds like these, who needs anemones?"
(fronds: 47 of 131)


A Dog Named Mace     (Search for similar jokes)
There was once a handyman who had a dog named Mace. Mace was a great dog except he had one weird habit: he liked to eat grass - not just a little bit, but in quantities that would make a lawnmower blush. And nothing, it seemed, could cure him of it.
One day, the handyman lost his wrench in the tall grass while he was working outside. He looked and looked, but it was nowhere to be found. As it was getting dark, he gave up for the night and decided to look the next morning.
When he awoke, he went outside, and saw that his dog had eaten the grass all in the area, around where he had been working, and his wrench now lay in plain sight, glinting in the sun.
Going out to get his wrench, he called the dog over to him and said, "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me."

(Submitted by Jim Butler)
(grazing: 48 of 131)


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