Surreal Fishing (Search for similar jokes)
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.(dottedline: 21 of 64)
Zombie's fingers (Search for similar jokes)
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?(zombie_fingers: 22 of 64)
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Carpet Cleaner (Search for similar jokes)
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.(carpet: 23 of 64)
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Get lost!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money" and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure all over her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this mess from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.
"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."
Techniques to try when things don't work (Search for similar jokes)
Techniques to try when your computer doesn't work:(repairs: 24 of 64)
1) "Audio repair technique" - shout at it
2) "Vibrations adjustment" - shake it
3) "Percussive therapy" - hit it
4) "Hot swap repair" - switch it for someone else's, when no one is looking
5) "Optical stimulation" - stare at it real hard hoping it magically works
6) "Gravimetric adjustment" - drop it out a window
Parking at the bank (Search for similar jokes)
A guy walks into a bank in the middle of London and asks for the loan officer.(bank_park: 25 of 64)
He tells the bank officer that he's going to Spain on holidays for two weeks and needs to borrow ?5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the man hands over the keys to a brand new BMW.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, he shows all the documents and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the BMW as collateral for the loan.
The Bank Manager and its officials all enjoy a good laugh at this guy for using a ?100,000 BMW as collateral against a ?5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the BMW into the bank's underground Car Park and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the ?5,000 and the interest, which comes to ?12. The Bank Manager says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are very well off and have plenty of money and own 250 acres of land. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow ?5,000?"
The man replies: "Where else in London can I park my car in the City Centre with valet parking and good security for two weeks for only ?12 and expect it to still be there when I get back?"
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